Five things I learned at Printer’s Row Lit Fest

Pick it up in person, or pick it up online!

Pick it up in person, or pick it up online!

Had a fantastic “Day One” at Printer’s Row Lit Fest with fellow Post Mortem Press authors C. Bryan Brown (THEY ARE AMONG US), Cynthia Pelayo (SANTA MUERTE), and Michael Matula (SECOND CHANCE), but being there a third time reminded me that these types of events are like fingerprints: incriminating.

Damningly, damningly incriminating.

But it wasn’t all embarrassment and culpability. I sold a few copies of my novel LOSING TOUCH, as well as the anthologies THE GHOST IS THE MACHINE, and SHRIEKS AND SHIVERS, both of which include stories of mine.

Also, I learned several important life lessons. Five to be exact:

  1. There was once a cereal called ‘Yummy Mummy’. Wikipedia tells me that this is British slang for rich, young moms who are also good cooks, but in 1987, General Mills thought that sugar-starved American kids would also like to eat desiccated corpse-themed cereal.

    Dear God.

    Dear God.

  2. Orange juice just tastes better when Pelayo pours it. I don’t know what her secret is, but boyo, all that vitamin C had me feeling pretty good for a while. So good, in fact, that I had to sit down before gravity took the choice out of my hands.
  3. Downtown parking lots have “event” rates that are much higher, but not as clearly posted. This is Chicago, and something I should have already known. It’s like getting kicked in the groin, though. Super painful, but you forget how bad it is until the next time.
  4. The Jedi mind trick does not work on prospective buyers. Not only is this tactic super ineffective, but I’m told that waving your hand in a stranger’s face while quietly intoning: “You will buy these books, now,” is considered somewhat rude. Friggin’ Toydarians.

    Republic credits are no good out here. I need something more real.

    Republic credits will do fine.

  5. You should never “mention” your publisher’s wife on Facebook while you’re known to be visiting a public restroom. Just trying to be efficient, wiping a few social network tasks off my mental white board, you know?

When I got back to the table, I had some ‘splainin’ to do, but I have been assured that all is forgiven… just like I have forgiven the Post Mortem Printer’s Row vets who were too busy being in other states to attend this year: Brian Dobbins (WITCH’S CARTEL), Josef Matulich (POWER TOOLS IN THE SACRED GROVE), and some guy named Max Booth III (TOXICITY).

No thoughts were stolen in the taking of this photograph.

No thoughts were stolen in the taking of this photograph. That I know of…

See you tomorrow at 531 South Dearborn for day two of Printer’s Row Lit Fest. What new and wonderful things will we learn together?

Christian A. Larsen is the author of LOSING TOUCH, featuring a foreword by New York Times bestselling author Piers Anthony, now available in paperback and ebook formats from Post Mortem Press.
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